


He climbed up on my foot

by LeviTA



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Attempt at Humor, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26013541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeviTA/pseuds/LeviTA
Summary: Armie Hammer is a PhD in zoology and discovers a new species.
Comments: 20
Kudos: 26





	He climbed up on my foot

**Author's Note:**

> Please don’t take this serious. I don’t know in which corner my brain produced this, but I totally blame [alittlefrenchtree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlefrenchtree/pseuds/alittlefrenchtree) and [eyeslikerain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyeslikerain/pseuds/eyeslikerain) aka. kissinglessons for it and you both know why 🤣 
> 
> My apologies to all the biologists out there for altering facts about our cute little animal here 🙏😉

Well, okay, may I introduce myself — Armand Hammer, 33, PhD student in zoology at the local university. Recently trying to finish my doctoral thesis, but like every good student I’m — of course — too late with everything. Now I’m sitting here on a weekend in the semi-deserts of south-west America, trying to pitch my tent for the third night out here. Will do some wildlife observations with the help of my new infra-red camera. 

No, sorry to disappoint you, I’m not observing fancy, dangerous or big animals. I do some field research on a rare species of _Dipodomys merriami_. Yeah, you heard right: Merriam's kangaroo rat. Why a 6‘5‘‘ guy does research on little rodents? You tell me. There’s no funny story to report. I wish! But I guess the little dudes impressed me with their astute ferocity. Now I’m trying to explore their ability to adapt to different environmental situations and how they are dealing in their widely varying habitats. Basically I’m trying to find out, if we humans can learn something from them to survive the upcoming climatical apocalypse. If we can learn something from an animal with a brain in the size of my little fingernail, you may ask? Hell, yes! Don’t destroy your fucking own living environment. 

If it’s lonely out here? Nah, not really. I was always the one guy who loved camping and road trips. Nature, silence, no people around. Just me, the campfire and my guitar. You should try it. Opens up new perspectives and provides you with funny encounters. I have a picture over there in my notebook from an excursion in an earlier semester where a nosy lizard crawled up on my shoulder and ate breadcrumbs out of my hand. It obviously liked the warmth of my body and sat there for several minutes. The kangaroo rats are also fun. Always on the move, never sitting still, scrunching their noses in funny ways. They are cute. 

It’s going to be dark in two hours. So it won’t take too long anymore until they leave their maze of burrows. It’s too hot for them to be outside when the sun is burning during the daytime. They would scorch their elegant little feet. I will put on a solar lamp later. Sometimes they are drawn to the source of light even though they are crepuscular animals. 

Should I tell you a secret? Maybe this research will end with a boom and I can make my professor pretty happy. I think, I discovered a new subspecies the other night. One that nobody described before. The dream of every biologist — finding your own new species. I almost didn’t realise it, but there was something different about them. Until now, I only saw this one family bouncing through the sand while searching for seeds to eat. It’s all about the carbs for them, you know. They need a lot of energy for their fast metabolism. The specific feature about them are their eyes — they have a greenish shimmer. It’s very rare amongst the rodents. 

Oh, quiet! Look, there’s one of them. It’s the cutest one of the family and a little male. He already caught my attention the night before. His fur is slightly curled. I don’t know if it’s a mutation. The rest of his family group has straight hair. He’s very brave and always comes a bit nearer than the rest of them. Yesterday he almost climbed up my shoe. Can you believe it? Maybe the ground was still too hot for his little paws. I will try to get excellent photo and film material of them to be able to describe them and their habits very precisely later. 

Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, that’s the thing with us zoologists. Getting excited about the tiniest living soul. But can you blame me? Just look at him, the big eyes and his long limbs. Fun fact by the way: they may seem very shy and nervous, but they are audacious fighters. With those long limbs they are kicking their enemies to flight. Even snakes. Stunning, isn’t it! I could watch them for hours. Okay, that’s what I’m basically doing now. This little guy over here is teasing me. Always hopping around me and when I slowly put my hand on the ground, he watches me for a little moment, just to disappear within the next second. Thank god he doesn’t know where I hide the camera. Yesterday I got some cute shots while he was sand bathing. Wanna see?

~~12 month later ~~

> Journal: Mammalian Biology  
>  (formerly known as Zeitschrift für Säugetierkunde),  
>  Vol. 101, issue 4, impact factor 1.595  
>  Publishing house: Springer-Nature
> 
> **Sensational discovery: Dr. Armand Hammer detects so far unknown green-eyed subspecies of kangaroo rats. Read more about _Dipodomys merriami chalametus_ on page 438–442.**

~~fin~~ 

**Author's Note:**

> Just in case: levi-tation-1983 on tumblr


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